WHO AM I?

 

PAT'S PATTER

 

January 1964. I hated myself. My life was a mess. I wanted to be happy. I wanted true friendships. I was in organized religion at the time and feeling  dissatisfied with myself, full of fear thinking I was surely headed for hell. I was always wondering if I was ’saved’ or not. I never felt good enough. There was definitely something missing. The people in the church were friendly enough but distant too and judgemental. They had definite ideas on how one should or should not be, how one was supposed to be act in the world. we were supposed to bring new people into the fold to get them saved. This was a constant criteria and a notch in your belt. Of course I became just as judgmental as all the rest  of the members were, which felt off balance for me and I  didn't understand why?.

All I knew was, I wanted to be happy and I wasn't happy I was miserable pretending to be happy.  I wanted more out of life  but uncertain what that looked  like, not only for my spiritual life but in practicality too. I wanted a better place to live. Living in a tight cramped 3 room apartment with no bath tub or hot water was no fun.

wanted to have my own source of income too independence was important to me

The feeling of being in constant poverty was always on the back burner. The feeling of being smothered and trapped, with no way out was my life. 

I hated being controlled in the church and also by my husband. I wanted a life and it seemed like life was living me not me living it by choice.

I know I am whining and complaining when there are people starving and i they are suffering with wars happening all around them. I am in paradise in comparison. I should be satisfied and stop my complaining.

I wasn’t starving or in a war zone. I had a roof over me and food to eat.

But then I was unhappy and I wanted to be happy…so

Help me, God! I want off this planet.
(It seems I am using the pronoun "I" a lot here, bare with me ,things do get better.)

Throughout all of my adult life, and especially my childhood, everything seemed to run on auto-pilot.

I never gave a thought to who I was or why I was here. In fact, I had no awareness of having a choice or of having the power to change things. I was only dimly conscious that I walked in fear and depended on forces outside of me. So my husband became my rock. Books and religion replaced my true search for Me. God knows, I desperately needed a mind adjustment.

I remember hating that I had allowed myself to become a totally controlled idiot.

Harsh self- criticism, but it was my truth at the time.  ( In fact it wasn't true,) I was destined to learn a lot in those times.

But because I thought I was flawed in some way I gravitated to an external someone or something to fix me in a church setting. 

Only in these past many years have I begun to see things differently. I wondered, who am I really? And I ask Spirit this question ...

SOURCE SPEAKS

You are not a label that you believe defines who you are. You are not a body that you can feel and touch. You are a Spiritual Being having a Physical  life experience.

 

I know you don't see it yet and you may laugh at this, but you are already perfect. You are already all you need. Perfection is you. It is a part of who you are. You are a divine being. You are My child, who is perfect as I have made you.

 

You're right. (Of course you're right!) But I laugh when I think about this. Me? Perfect?! You've got to be kidding!

 

You are a part of Me and I am a part of you. We are ONE. You are never separate from Me.

This is where it starts -- you getting acquainted with who you are and who you are not.

 Integrity comes from the heart of you, the place where you are not afraid anymore, and where you do not have to pretend anymore, or try to please anyone but Yourself.

Your perfection is unfolding like a rose in the sunlight.

You are discovering you are not better than another, nor are you less than another. You are discovering your Oneness with everything and everyone.

There are no special people, just unconscious and conscious people.

You are like a many-layered onion, with your perfect core already in place waiting for you to discover it, a treasure more precious than gold. Peeling the onion is the process of life, and it is an on-going process.

It is impossible to understand your value or the value of your brother.

You and your neighbours are greater than anything you can imagine because you have no measuring stick in your reality to understand it.

Suffice it to say, you are more than you can ever imagine and when you truly get this fact, life will never be the same for you.

You are co-creator with Me. You can be, have, do anything your heart desires.

I give you a free gift, the gift of choice.

When you watch your thoughts, and choose thoughts of love rather than ego-based fear, you will bring to yourself a heavenly bliss.

You are learning to walk from your heart. You may falter, you may stumble, and you will cry out sometimes, thinking you are alone.

Trust Me, you are never alone. Your patters will remind you again and again of who you are. The authentic You is perfect.

How will I change by going into my heart? I don't understand how to do that.

What does it mean to go into one's own heart? It's so esoteric, so much a part of the invisible realm. I'm having a hard time trying to get it.

 

It is not something you try. Being authentic is simply allowing what is already in you to come through. Allowing happens by trusting in the unfolding.

Be patient with yourself. Remember you are a beautiful, perfect rose. I am the sun and the nourishment you need to grow.

A rose does not grunt to unfold, nor do trees try to forcefully grow leaves. They allow growth naturally, without any fanfare.

Sometimes you may get in your own way by thoughts that you are something other than perfect  love.

You do not need fixing. You do not need someone to save you, except from your illusions of who you think you are.

Acknowledging who you really are is all it takes. A perfect child of God.

There is a cost to awakening: you must take responsibility for everything in your life. Nothing is happening by accident. It is all happening as a result of choices, as a result of what you believe about yourself. It hinges on your thoughts.

It is up to you to choose to accept a new way of thinking about yourself.

If you choose to think differently about yourself, you will change.

It is not something you have to do.

It is simply something you choose to believe.

It may feel as if it will take a span of time to really get this truth but, rest assured, you are getting it. Trust Me, you are awakening.

Being willing to see a better way is the first step to authenticity.

So then, being authentic is knowing who you are, a perfect child of Mine, and walking in that knowledge daily.

 

Thank you, Spirit. I will try. I mean, I will allow You to show me the way to authenticity.

I intend to see with new eyes, with the eyes of Spirit, with the eyes of love from my heart. I am beginning to understand.

 

Believing in who you really are is where a peaceful, harmonious, life  in this heaven you call the world, begins.

So be it and so it is !